Authenticity vs. Conformity

The concept of "blending into society" and "living authentically" can be viewed as opposing forces, depending on how each is defined and understood in a given context.

Birds acept themselves the way they are it seems. A Peacock doesn’t try to blend in with the parakeets. Why does society want everyone to blend in?

Blending into Society generally means conforming to societal norms, expectations, and behaviors to fit in or avoid standing out. It often involves adopting the majority or dominant culture's values, customs, and practices. The motivation behind this can vary, including a desire for social acceptance, fear of rejection, or practical considerations such as professional advancement or personal safety.

Living Authentically, on the other hand, refers to being true to oneself and expressing one's true thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs regardless of societal pressures or expectations. It involves self-awareness and the courage to live in alignment with one's true identity, even if it means deviating from societal norms.

I read an article by Rebecca Bauer pondering the question, “Is it time to retire the phrase “Love is Love”? “ She writes,

If you attend a Pride event this June, you’ll probably spot people wearing shirts, waving banners, and walking dogs with bandanas that all read “Love is Love.” The phrase is meant to highlight that same-sex relationships should be treated with the same respect, honor, and dignity as heterosexual ones. It’s not a wrong message, but it feels very 2010.

Now in 2023, I have several critiques of the Pride message – the largest one being that it centers the LGBQ+ people and relationships that are most palatable for the public, the ones that can “pass,” as “just like their straight counterparts.”

Living in a way that is most “palatable for the public” has been wreaking havoc on my psyche lately. The idea bothered me before I read Ms Bauer’s article. I was told by a friend who is also a superior that if I wanted to express my queerness in my job as a pastor, there was a strong possibility my career would be over. I can't help but feel like it was an unspoken and now spoken threat that if I lived authentically, I would be ostracized. This precisely is what bothered me about being me, causing me to live in my own prison called a closet — If people are uncomfortable with you, you had better not be you. Do all you can to put on a persona of being straight like your counterparts. I can’t accept that.

My question is, how can I preach living as an authentic follower of Christ if I'm not even allowed to live as an authentic creation of God?

Coming out of the closet several years ago as queer was monumental for me. I lived in a closet, and I lived in it due to my perceived distaste for being different in any way. I remained closeted for decades, feeling that I could bury a part of myself that I did not think the world around me would accept. I now live in a world that suggests for me to thrive as an individual, I must seemingly do my best to be palatable to the public in attempting to pass as a heterosexual male just like my counterparts. Even writing that makes my skin crawl. Things shut back into a closet so that others are comfortable with their perceived bigotry is unacceptable, and I won't do it.

I'm well aware that living an authentic life is not easy. As my Dad used to say, ‘If it were easier, everybody would be doing it.’ But it was difficult for me to make decisions to step out into the complicated world, and like toothpaste out of the tube, once it's squeezed, it cannot be put back in.

So, how does one deal with identity in a society that rewards conformity?

Authentic living often requires a person to embrace and express their unique identity, which can conflict with the pressure to conform when blending into society. For example, an individual might feel compelled to hide their sexual orientation, cultural background, or personal interests to avoid discrimination or judgment.

I’m painfully aware that a person's core values and beliefs may clash with societal expectations. Living authentically might mean standing up for these values even when unpopular, whereas blending in would involve compromising or suppressing them.

Some might argue that it is possible to navigate societal expectations while maintaining personal authenticity. This might involve strategic conformity in certain situations (e.g., professional settings) while reserving authentic self-expression for personal or safe spaces. Authenticity doesn't necessarily mean total transparency in every context. It can mean being true to oneself while understanding the nuances of different social settings and choosing how and when to express certain aspects of one's identity.

Thinkers like Jean-Paul Sartre and Søren Kierkegaard have explored themes of authenticity, emphasizing the importance of living a life true to oneself rather than succumbing to societal pressures. Carl Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, highlighted the importance of self-actualization and congruence between one's self-concept and experiences. Living authentically, according to Rogers, leads to greater psychological well-being.

I don’t imagine being a great thinker like these wonderful men, but reading about what they encountered and surmised decades ago helps me understand that this issue of living authentically in a coming world is not new and is yet untamed. Knowing that it has existed for so long doesn’t make it right, either.

Whether blending into society is the antithesis of living authentically largely depends on the individual's perspective and the degree of compromise involved. For some, blending in might feel like a betrayal of their true self, while for others, it might be a necessary and strategic part of life that doesn't diminish their sense of authenticity. The balance between these two has proven to be complex and highly personal, requiring a nuanced approach.

I choose for my life to learn how to be me, as complicated as that may be, and let everyone else around me adjust.